Relationships are strange. So many factors involved: what is their purpose, how much energy must be devoted to them, what do we get out of them… I confess that I am not the type of person to over-examine things, relationships included. I hear of friends writing PLANS, 5 or 10 year schedules, for their lives and relationships. You aren’t going to find such a plan on my laptop (or in one of the many half-used legal pads laying around the house).
I guess what I am trying to say is: I happened on a relationship that somehow just works. It works without a real PLAN. It works with very sporadic disputes. It works without much fuss or caretaking – it just works. And trust me, I know how lucky that is.
|Springtime in DC - trees are starting to bloom|
I realize I am (we are) fortunate to have somehow stumbled on each other 30 YEARS AGO. Yesterday (Easter) was our 30 year anniversary. We celebrate the anniversary of the day we began dating, which seems more special (and momentous) to us than the day we actually got married (which we also celebrate, because celebrating is fun, but does not hold as much value in my heart). Our first date (way back when) in Rochester, New York was the night before Easter, 1988. We went out to dinner, grocery shopping, and then watched (VHS) movies. And actually, we really haven’t been apart since that night! I mean, sure, we have often been PHYSICALLY apart – David taught in Paris and I stayed in the states for a long time, I often go on work trips without him, etc. – but our hearts pretty much got “knit together” that night. So, every Easter we celebrate our anniversary (and, since Easter is a “rolling holiday” on the calendar, so is our anniversary).
|Shhh, don't tell Fannie Mae, but we climbed over a little gate to take photos by their amazing flowering trees.|
Anyway, neither of us had planned anything for this anniversary. I felt sort of sad about that – I mean 30 years seems like a big number that should have some grand activity attached to it, no? A trip, making a painting together, a romantic hike, at the very least cooking a fancy meal. But we hadn’t even gotten it together to get groceries to cook… I was a bit down about that as I got dressed for the day.
“What to wear for a 30th anniversary?”, I wondered. As I pulled out undergarments, I found a fancy, lacy pink and lilac bra that I could not ever remember wearing. Yes, that had to come out of the drawer for this big anniversary! A dainty, lacy bra. Oh, and those fancy pink panties that haven’t been worn in years, I should wear those, too. Ok, so maybe there was not a big plan of events for the day, but at least I would know that underneath whatever I decided to put on, I would be a lovely date.
Then to the closet to finish getting dressed. I wanted to wear a new, pretty peach sweater, but it was chilly out and I didn’t want to be cold all day… Nix that idea, swap the pretty peach for a warmer, boring basic grey… But wait, once I pulled that on, all of the sudden the fancy bra looked silly – lacy bumps and lumps… And TIGHT, it felt tight. Ouch. And those gorgeous undies, under my leggings and skirt they felt restrictive and uncomfortable…
It didn’t take long for me to decide to do a complete re-do in the undergarments department. The lacy bra was swapped out for my usual, cozy one, and the same for the underwear. I might not be the sexiest date, but I would be a COMFORTABLE one!
And that’s when I giggled. I marched into the bathroom and told the whole story to my date, who takes hour long showers so of course was still in the steamy warm bathroom. “David, I think our relationship works so well because it is COMFORTABLE,” I declared. He poked his head out of the shower and listened to my analogy of the underwear and our love life. I think he agreed with me – we fit together because we are comfortable. We are not fancy. We may be not pretty. But I tell you what – whether I am sitting next to him on the sofa, driving around with him looking for a parking spot in DC, or walking to the post office together – I am comfortable.
|Me and my comfortable love (in our backyard on our 30th anniversary)|
And comfortable, to me, is happy.
Happy 30th anniversary my love. My comfortable, funny love.
|30 years is a lot to celebrate!!|