Random Thoughts

I was reminded of something important this morning: Getting through difficult times can be less trying if you can find a way to let go and ACCEPT. I know, trust me I know , that is much easier to sit here and type than it is to DO when confronted by difficult situations in real life.   And yes, before you call it out, let me be the first to say that I know this example I am about to share is NOT (in the grand scheme of life and all of the horribleness humans must endure) a “ difficult situation ”.   But it was being in this situation that brought me a bit of clarity, which is why I want to express it here. We are on vacation in Florida.   We rented a condo on the beach.   Today’s forecast was something like 80% chance of rain.   So yeah, it was not looking like a beach day for us. But when we crawled out of bed at 10:30 am – the rain seemed to have passed.   The sand was wet from a storm, and the sky was grey and cloudy – but it seemed l...

She is dead. She is gone.  No amount of wishing, dreaming, hoping, pretending will bring her back. For 13 years I was secretly keeping bits of her alive.  If I could just take care of those, nurture them enough, be responsible enough, I would keep her here with me.  But she slowly slipped away, seeped through my fingers, until I finally understood that my imagined task to keep her with me was impossible.  She is dead.  She is gone.  And she isn’t coming back.  It’s not my fault.  It’s not my choice.  But it is true. I kept her alive.  Her body, the part everyone could see, died long ago.  When it was time for that to happen I was brave.  I was accepting.  I sat with her, with my family, as we watched her go.  We grieved her death and our lives moved on. But secretly, I kept her alive.  I wore her sweaters.  I walked in her shoes.  I displayed her frog.  I kept her jewelry...