Random Thoughts

I can’t be the only one feeling down. And stressed. And nervous. And angry. And confused. And just about every other negative emotion that could be listed. There is just so much ANGST in the world right now, especially with the upcoming elections in the US.   And sometimes (at least for deep feelers like myself) it just feels like a little too much to bear. But then I get a reminder. A reminder that even in the midst of all of these sleepless nights and fret – there IS good in the world. I got 2 reminders recently, and I thought I should share them in case you haven’t had any.   I don’t know, I guess with the hopes that the reminders I came across will help boost your spirits a bit, too. Here’s the first one. This hat. We came home the other day and this was hanging on our front doorknob.   Now, we have had a LOT of things left on our porch over the years – rusty cans of soup, brand new snow boots, and everything in between – ...

Lots of my mind.   A miles long “to do” list with more that needs added to it swirling in my head.   Decisions to be made.   Laundry to be done.   Suitcases to unpack.   A. DAY.   OFF.   WORK. “Should” use the time wisely to focus on getting things accomplished.   “Should” triage the to-dos and focus on steadily checking them off.   Should, should, should, should, should. Instead, I slept in.   Woke up around 10:30 am, tossed around the bed a bit thinking I “should” go back to sleep.   No, I “should” get up.   What is the deal with all of these should s ?? Then I heard someone on the front porch.   That’s not that unusual – could be someone dropping off donations for the free pantry, an Amazon delivery, someone picking something up that I offered on Buy Nothing. The doorbell rang.   I peeked out the blinds – it was my artist friend.   She has been coming to work here daily for the last month a...

  I am not one for New Year’s Resolutions.   As a non-believer of them looking in, they appear to be recipes for feeling bad about yourself.   ·         “Lose 20 pounds” – didn’t everyone make that resolution last year, and the year before, and the year before…   ·         “Get my life in order” – if THIS isn’t a promise to yourself that is impossible to keep, I don’t know what is.  (How about, instead, “Find a way to comes to terms at least a little bit about the chaos that is my life”)   ·         “Start a new job/new school/new career/new relationship/new beginning” – not everything is in your control.  Setting a mile high lofty resolution that will likely be impossible for you and you alone to fulfill (without the forces of nature and chemistry and finances and and and… that it takes to make major changes) – well, that might be bei...

Why are Americans so reluctant to talk about mental illness?   Why is it kept a secret?   Why is it most people’s first reaction to look away quickly when confronted with someone exhibiting behaviors that appear like symptoms of mental illness (or worse yet, stare…)? I wonder if it is because we know that we, too , are mentally ill. I mean, aren’t we all?   Don’t we all experience depression, anxiety, racing minds, isolation, suspicion, or “different-ness”?   Maybe not to the point of diagnosis or medication, but if we do a thorough, honest self-assessment I tend to think that the vast majority of us would find things in ourselves that concern or embarrass us. This is not to downplay the seriousness of mental illness.   Someone who talks out loud to themselves but recognizes it is their voice and not that of a stranger (me) has a much simpler row to hoe than a person diagnosed with schizophrenia who hears and speaks to voices often.   Rather, thinking...

I learned this lesson years ago, but apparently I needed a refresher course this evening: We “pay” with what we can.   “Currency” does not take one form. The first person to visit the Little Yellow Free Pantry gave me my reminder of that concept.   The pantry has been open since 2:00 pm on Saturday, but as of 6:00 pm Monday night far we had not had any shoppers, only DONORS!   And we have had some amazing donors!!   But I have been busy trying to figure out how to best get the word out to people who actually need the food. But then I looked outside, and in the darkness, I saw the little glow of the pantry lights…   I thought, “Someone is putting MORE in there?   It is chock full right now!”.   Then I saw a bag on the ground…   I grabbed a mask, stepped out on the back porch, and said, “Hello!”.   A woman answered back, and I walked closer to the pantry to talk. I introduced myself and she told me her name.   She was an older black...

It is a dull, drizzly gray day out today.   I am tempted to crawl back into bed (which would be ridiculous, since I only got out of it at 2:15 pm….).   But instead I will think about YESTERDAY, a day that the sun shone and people reminded me that there is good in the world. For 4 or 5 weeks I have been writing a daily poll on a piece of bright paper and taping it to a corner across from our house.   The polls have asked “important” questions, such as, “Carrots:   Raw or Cooked?”; “Glitter:   Shiny, glorious goodness or The world’s most horrible craft supply?”; Elsa or Anna?”; and “New Olympic Event:   Eating the most marshmallows or Holding your breath the longest?”.     Normally by the next morning around 40 people have voted.   Every day I watch people come up to the corner, stop, read (and often smile) then vote as the poll instructs them to with a rock or stick.      The pile of rocks and ...

Some days are better than others. I can slide along - everything ok.  Smiles, laughs, walks outdoors. Then it hits.  It's overwhelming.  Sadness.  Desperation.  Confusion. The tears flow. Then I remember, the mail. The note that was delivered from a complete stranger.  She didn't even know our names - she addressed it to "Arlington Career Center Neighbor" at our address. She made me smile.  And take a deep breath. And remember that not all is lost in the world.

I wrote a couple of years ago about being a person who STOPS. Stops for lemonade stands.   Stops for mariachi bands practicing unexpectedly in parking lots.   Stops for wicker love seats left on the side of the road that just need a little tender loving care and a new home. I am happy to be a person who stops.   It feels like who I AM.   It is an integral part of what makes me me . And look, I am not staying that ME is any better than anyone else .   It is just that I have been reminded all day today how the rest of the world, at least the people who pass the Big Yellow House, are not like me.   And I find it so strange. It has been months since I did a “front gate project” – a term I coined for “events” I plan and put up on our front gate.   (And it is literally now GATE and not gate S , because we still only have one front gate since the unfortunate “car runs into house” episode that happened last October…) Anyway, I h...

The house is dusty.   The sheets need to be washed.   Visitors are coming and activities need to be planned. But first:   a PARADE. T oday (March 31) is International Transgender Day of Visibility.   Some of our neighbors tried to go into DC yesterday to celebrate at a big event, but traffic was horrendous due to another (BIGGER) event – the cherry blossoms are blooming .   The family tried to get into town, but traffic was so bad they eventually gave up.   I read a post about it on Facebook and said, “Hey, come march past our house , we will cheer for you!”.     They agreed, and with that, an idea was ready to turn into a PARADE . The only problem was, it was, the evening before…   There was no way this could actually become an “event”, but I sort of didn’t want it to be just me and my partner holding signs cheering as the neighbors marched by with their trans pride flags…   I put a post in the neighborhood Fac...