Random Thoughts

“I guess life is like that – beautiful, and sad at the same time.” Words of wisdom spoken over the phone across the miles from my sweetheart, David, in response to the story I told him through tears as I sat in the nursing home parking lot. I had popped into the home, which is only for “memory care” patients, just to quickly deliver some bird food to Evelyn, my dad’s 2 nd wife.   He married her after my mom died, and just a few hours before Dad died, Evelyn was moved into the home.   She had a rough go of it in the beginning – confused where she was, why she was there, where my dad was, when she would go home, who would get the mail, etc.   But it has been exactly a year now and she has settled in much better than I ever imagined. When I walked in tonight at 6:00 PM, right after dinner was finished at the home, I saw about 15 women sitting around in the main room.   The TV was on but there was no sound.   As soon as one of them saw me, she asked how to turn the news on.

November 17, 2018.   The day my dad died. It’s been exactly 12 months.   It’s still fresh.   And SO much else has happened in the same year.   Dad driving our boat, The Shansu, circa 1983.  This is how I remember him from summers growing up - at the wheel of the boat. I know that “time heals”.   I know that, at some point, I will feel November 17 th creeping up on the calendar and it won’t bring as much malaise and sadness as I am experiencing now.   I know that some time – years or maybe a decade later – I will be able to take time out of “real life” to celebrate Johnny Day just like I celebrate Mary Day every October 20 th .   But this year it all still feels quite raw and painful.   I still have flashbacks to this time last year.   I am currently living in a basement bedroom – the same set up I was in when the hospital called in the middle of the night to tell us Dad had coded.   Last night I decided to confront some of the sadness head on – I wanted to deliver