Random Thoughts

Do you ever get into a “holding pattern” of deep thought?   Like, just pondering things in your head, “big” things, things you will not find an answer to (because, frankly, there are no answers) but you still can’t shake the thought of them? I do. You probably could’ve guessed that, eh?   I mean, if I DIDN’T, then why would I have raised the question here, right? Maybe I have been in the over-thinking cycle (and, let’s be honest, the sadness cycle) because of everything going on in the world.   I mean – WARS.   People dying.   An upcoming election that I honestly can see no good outcome in.   Poverty.   People with no housing, not enough food…   If I think about it too long, I can find myself in a vortex of darkness. A few years ago, I met a man that I now admire from afar.   He is living with brain cancer, and I crossed paths with him at a brain cancer event shortly after my sister died of glioblastoma.   His name is Ada...

Some days are better than others. I can slide along - everything ok.  Smiles, laughs, walks outdoors. Then it hits.  It's overwhelming.  Sadness.  Desperation.  Confusion. The tears flow. Then I remember, the mail. The note that was delivered from a complete stranger.  She didn't even know our names - she addressed it to "Arlington Career Center Neighbor" at our address. She made me smile.  And take a deep breath. And remember that not all is lost in the world.

This might surprise you.   The only thing about it that surprises me is that I am just now willing to admit it publicly: I dislike holidays. Holidays - without the rose colored glasses Now before you go into your, “Susan, Susan, Susan, it is just this year !   You have had a hard year, it’s the first Christmas without your dad, your sister is sick…” spiel,   let me clarify that it is NOT just this year.   I have disliked holidays most of my adult life I think.   It’s just now, after the shitty year I have had, I am ready to talk about it.   Holidays are a recipe for sadness.   Holidays set people, us, all of us, up to fail.   Let’s look at the current holiday – Christmas.   Not only are you expected to buy amazing gifts (that fit) for a bazillion people.   Not only are you expected to have a Pinterest perfect tree in your perfectly clean living room.   Not only are you supposed to bake cookies and cakes and p...