Random Thoughts

She is dead. She is gone.  No amount of wishing, dreaming, hoping, pretending will bring her back. For 13 years I was secretly keeping bits of her alive.  If I could just take care of those, nurture them enough, be responsible enough, I would keep her here with me.  But she slowly slipped away, seeped through my fingers, until I finally understood that my imagined task to keep her with me was impossible.  She is dead.  She is gone.  And she isn’t coming back.  It’s not my fault.  It’s not my choice.  But it is true. I kept her alive.  Her body, the part everyone could see, died long ago.  When it was time for that to happen I was brave.  I was accepting.  I sat with her, with my family, as we watched her go.  We grieved her death and our lives moved on. But secretly, I kept her alive.  I wore her sweaters.  I walked in her shoes.  I displayed her frog.  I kept her jewelry.  And most importantly, I watered her plant. The whole thing is silly, I know that. 

I have been traveling the past few months so have not been home much.  Now that I am back home and settling in, I am feeling my creative urge again, which I love.  I have started thinking of PROJECTS.  “Projects” are what I call the work that I do – it is interactive art really – outside our home.  I didn’t realize how much I missed doing my projects, how hungry my soul was for creating, until I got back home.  Now my mind is whirling with projects begun earlier begging to be finished and shared and new ideas buzzing in my head.  I have had a couple days in a row of TIME OFF.  I am finally caught up on sleep and more easily able to focus creatively.  So this evening I put a project into play.  It is called “Take What You Need”.  I made a tear-off sign, the kind you used to find in grocery stores with apartments to rent or French tutors to hire (before Google took over for the paper versions and made it simple to find anything).  Instead of details or a phone number on the te

I found the following piece saved on my computer.  I wrote it sometime after midnight September 12, 2014.  I didn’t put it on my blog – I probably felt it was “too personal” to share.  But I found it today, September 11, 2015 (one year after I wrote it) and re-read it.  And I decided to share it.  MY SEPTEMBER 11TH I have a hard time putting into words what September 11 th means to me.  I spent some time trying to figure it out, wrap my head around what it is… I think I realized that September 11 th is a holiday to me; really more of a holiday than the others.  It’s not like Christmas – with gifts and twinkling lights.  And it is not like Easter – with dying eggs.  It doesn’t have special food associated with it – no turkey or mashed potatoes.  But it is a holiday like no other for me – it is a holiday where I stop to think, to remember, to consider, to mourn, and to respect.  It is a holiday where the MEANING and the history maintain their significance year after year.

We had a CRAZY January 2015.  I had gotten coveted tickets to see “Ellen” taping in LA for me, my sisters, and my partner David.  Since we were flying all the way across country, I decided we should try and make this vacation the TACKIEST trip ever and do anything and everything LA we could find to do!  So I went searched to see if there were any other TV shows we could go see tapings of.  As luck would have it, I got us tickets to THE PRICE IS RIGHT!  We are not fans of that show, but it does seem like a classic, doesn’t it??  Secretly, we were all hoping my sister Annette would get called down.  But lo and behold whose name got called?  DAVID’S!  Our posse in the photo taken before they filmed our episode.  We are standing in front of a green screen and they told us to look excited - as if we just won a new car.  I think we did pretty well, don't you?  My sister Sherry is in the back, sister Annette in the front, David in the middle, and me in front of the "wheel&quo

Help someone today. You don’t need a lot to be helpful – you just need intention .  You don’t need to be rich – let the rich people help with MONEY.  Find something YOU can help with. ·          Is it time ?  Do you have TIME that you could put aside to volunteer for an organization? ·          Is it a talent ?  Can you play the piano and entertain nursing home residents? ·          Is it a resource ?  Are you willing to donate blood at the Red Cross? ·          Is it a skill ?  Can you cook a meal for a hungry neighbor? This winter I am helping others by giving WARMTH.  For the past few years I have collected sweaters, coats, mittens, hats, and scarves to hand out to homeless people.  I get many of them from the group Freecycle.  David and I sometimes make coffee and tea, pack up the warm gear, and go around Washington DC and hand out sweaters, etc.  People who receive them are always really thankful. But I got to thinking – there are people in my own neighbo