Random Thoughts

We are old. Giving gifts has always meant a lot to me.  I was raised in a household that valued gifts, valued “things” actually.  At Christmas time, the base of our tree would be piled hiiiigh with presents wrapped in brightly colored paper tied with neatly curled ribbons.    Birthdays would mean being spoiled by more gifts.   Even Valentine’s Day came with a present.   So, without being overtly taught, I learned that love was shown by giving something tangible.   As I became an adult, I noticed people older than me asking for things for the holidays that I thought were silly – cheese, wine, nuts…   “Those aren’t PRESENTS,” I remember thinking. “Presents are touchable, physical things – things to be KEPT, not to be consumed.”   So, when I found my life partner, I showered him with GIFTS.   Gifts wrapped just as I had been subconsciously taught must be wrapped in beautiful paper, tied tight with a bow.   But...

“I guess life is like that – beautiful, and sad at the same time.” Words of wisdom spoken over the phone across the miles from my sweetheart, David, in response to the story I told him through tears as I sat in the nursing home parking lot. I had popped into the home, which is only for “memory care” patients, just to quickly deliver some bird food to Evelyn, my dad’s 2 nd wife.   He married her after my mom died, and just a few hours before Dad died, Evelyn was moved into the home.   She had a rough go of it in the beginning – confused where she was, why she was there, where my dad was, when she would go home, who would get the mail, etc.   But it has been exactly a year now and she has settled in much better than I ever imagined. When I walked in tonight at 6:00 PM, right after dinner was finished at the home, I saw about 15 women sitting around in the main room.   The TV was on but there was no sound.   As soon as one of them saw me, she asked ...

This might surprise you.   The only thing about it that surprises me is that I am just now willing to admit it publicly: I dislike holidays. Holidays - without the rose colored glasses Now before you go into your, “Susan, Susan, Susan, it is just this year !   You have had a hard year, it’s the first Christmas without your dad, your sister is sick…” spiel,   let me clarify that it is NOT just this year.   I have disliked holidays most of my adult life I think.   It’s just now, after the shitty year I have had, I am ready to talk about it.   Holidays are a recipe for sadness.   Holidays set people, us, all of us, up to fail.   Let’s look at the current holiday – Christmas.   Not only are you expected to buy amazing gifts (that fit) for a bazillion people.   Not only are you expected to have a Pinterest perfect tree in your perfectly clean living room.   Not only are you supposed to bake cookies and cakes and p...

I would pretty much bet my paycheck that we are the only people “working” in Bethlehem who don’t actually believe in the story of the wise men and the manger… Let me back up.   There is a DRIVE-IN CHURCH in Daytona Beach, Florida.   I know this because we live part-time in Ormond Beach, the city next to Daytona, and we happened upon the drive-in church once while out on a drive and found it hilarious.   What a concept, eh??   A drive-in CHURCH! Us outside the Drive-In Church the first time I saw it in 2013. I thought it was hilarious.  I didn't realize how KIND and ACCEPTING the people who go there are.  I hadn't met them yet! Then one year I read a little blurb advertising DRIVE-THRU BETHLEHEM, hosted one weekend a year by the drive-in church.   If that ad didn’t intrigue me, nothing would…   So, I signed us up!   No, I didn’t sign us up to GO to Drive-Thru Bethlehem, I signed us up to VOLUNTEER at it!!!   The fir...

I think we all do it, really, in some form or the other.  We search for perfection.  Some people dream of a perfect BODY – curves in all the right places and nary a wrinkle.  Some people hunt for the perfect mate – someone who fits every idealized fantasy they can imagine.  Me – sometimes I catch myself running after the perfect EXPERIENCE… I did it tonight, and when I realized what was happening, I had to laugh. Here’s the deal – perfection doesn’t EXIST.  There is no perfect body, no perfect mate, no perfect family, no perfect house, or perfect life.  And there is no perfect experience .  Have you ever tried to do that – ensure that you will have the perfect experience??  If you can look at it from the outside, from a bird’s eye view, you will see how utterly ridiculous it is.  How about this one: trying to make the PERFECT HOLIDAY !!  You buy the biggest, fullest Christmas tree.  You decorate it with gorgeous o...