I got in a big confrontation
this week. That in and of itself is a
bit of news – I typically do all that I can to avoid them. And I knew this one was coming, had been
putting it off for quite some time actually.
But the time and the place suddenly appeared and BAM – there it was.
And I, as always in those angry,
tense, hostile situations, was very uncomfortable.
But I did something different
for me: I didn’t cry. I didn’t yell. I didn’t get too upset. Mostly I just LISTENED. I know this is how a person is supposed to
approach those types of situations, but knowing
it and doing it are two different
things.
Anyway, I listened. Listened as I was berated. As I was blamed. As I was attacked.
Yes, sometimes I spoke
up. I tried not to get defensive. Tried
not to argue. Tried to clearly explain
my point of view.
The whole experience didn’t
end well really. Maybe at some point in
the future things will get repaired a bit, I don’t know. They likely will never return to what they
were.
Ever since the
confrontation I have been thinking. I have
gone over what the person said – what their perspective of me is. It was a little startling when it was first
blurted out in the heat of the moment, but they gave more and more examples of
it and I could see where they were coming from.
One (of several) things
they accused me of was basically not accepting reality. Of being “fake” and pretending everything is
fine, when in reality, it is not.
I have mulled that over
for a couple of days now. Is it
true? Is what I present to the world
(and ultimately to myself) not what I really believe/who I really am??
I have come to the conclusion
that (on that point at least) they are wrong.
I do understand and accept
reality, in fact, I think I do that quite well. In the area of sickness and death, I think I understand
it much more than most. I understand
that we all have a finite amount of time to walk the earth. I understand that we all will get sick, we
all will die (well, some of us won’t get sick, but we will still die).
And it is that understanding that leads me to be
joyful. To be happy. To celebrate.
The time we have is so
short. I refuse to fill mine with
worrying about what is coming next. I won’t
just sit down and fret. I will dance. I will jump.
I will laugh (loudly!). And I will
celebrate anything and everything my heart desires – especially the small
stuff.
You all are invited to
celebrate with me. If you choose not to,
I will respect that. I will be sad that
you are not choosing JOY, but I will let you be you.
And I, for my part, will
continue BEING ME.
