I Resolve Not To Resolve

 I am not one for New Year’s Resolutions.

 As a non-believer of them looking in, they appear to be recipes for feeling bad about yourself.

 

·        “Lose 20 pounds” – didn’t everyone make that resolution last year, and the year before, and the year before…

 

·        “Get my life in order” – if THIS isn’t a promise to yourself that is impossible to keep, I don’t know what is.  (How about, instead, “Find a way to comes to terms at least a little bit about the chaos that is my life”)

 

·        “Start a new job/new school/new career/new relationship/new beginning” – not everything is in your control.  Setting a mile high lofty resolution that will likely be impossible for you and you alone to fulfill (without the forces of nature and chemistry and finances and and and… that it takes to make major changes) – well, that might be being downright MEAN to yourself.  And if you are going to be kind to anyone this year, let it start with being kind to yourself.

 

·        “Read 5 books a month (or some variation on the number)” – while this one seems like a decent resolution, it is still a reason for the internal nagging to continue day and night in your head…  “It’s April and I’ve only read 12 books!!”… 

  

I guess maybe my beef with resolutions is that they come once a year.  New Year’s Day.  It is like some grand REBOOT of the human experience.  A big DO OVER, if you will.

 

Only – it is just another turn of the calendar page.  The same as the 11 turns that came before it.  Sure, it is a tiny bit more grand, in that not only the MONTH but the YEAR changes.  But in the end – January 1^st is a day.  A day just like the 364 others that will take place this year.  New Year’s is not magical.  It’s simply not.

 

What if, instead of writing down your resolutions today, then beating yourself up about not achieving them in the coming months, you change the way you THINK?  What if you began to look at every day as an opportunity to do something meaningful.  Something special.  Something important. 

 

Lying in bed today, I mulled over some very simple ways that I could change the world.  Little.  Old.  Me.  Change the world.  Here’s some of what I came up with:

 

·        Instead of being ticked that some shopper left their grocery cart in the parking lot, take the cart into the store with me.  Yeah, I can still grumble under my breath that the person who left it was inconsiderate.  But I can also SOLVE the “problem” of the cart blocking the parking space for the next person.  Sure, I am not getting paid to pick up carts, but hey, me rolling it inside makes the world, or at least that parking lot, a tiny bit better place.

 

·        Speaking of not getting paid to do something at the store – instead of grumbling about how self-check is the demise of the country, I can self-check with a smile (and remember to say hello to the cashier assigned to watch over the section), or I can wait in line with a smile for the 1 or 2 cashiers with open registers.  Because complaining about how this technology will be the end of civilization is futile.  It’s a bit like complaining that cars will be the end of the horse and buggy – they were, and it is.  It is forward progress whether we like it or not.  So, smile.

 

·        I can continue to do the small acts of kindness that I was inspired to do during the holidays – leave out snacks for the delivery drivers, let other drivers ahead of me in traffic. 

 

·        I can offer a specific gesture of assistance.  When someone is going through a difficult time – maybe loss of a job, a death in the family, etc, I can offer a genuine, specific act.  For example, instead of saying, “I am sorry for your loss, is there anything I can do?”, I can say, “I am sorry for your loss.  I would love to take “walking the dog” off your to do list.  I will come over twice a day and walk the dog so you can focus on more important things.”  Or, “I am sorry for your loss, here is a gift card for Uber Eats.  Please use it to order whatever food you are craving whenever you are hungry”.

 

·        I can get involved in my community and society.  Involved socially, spiritually, and politically. 

 

·        I can teach others what I know.

 

·        I can listen.  Listen without giving advice.  Without asking questions.  Without judgement.  I.  Can.  Listen.

 

·        I can provide resources.  To people with questions, to people in need, to people who are not privileged to have what I have.  If I cannot assist them myself, I can work to provide resources that could help.

 

Several people reached out to me last week to let me know that there was going to be a special on TV about KINDNESS.  I was lucky enough to get to see it and it was inspiring.  The bus driver who was really there for the children he transported.  The hair stylist who literally takes her red chair out into the community and cuts the hair of people who want it free of charge.  The brilliant mathematician who calculated the ripple effect of kindness.

One thing about the show didn’t sit well with me though.  I do believe in the “pay it forward” effect of kindness.  I call it “kindness ripples”.  Ripples are the whole reason I put myself out there and began to share stories of kindness.  Because I believe that when people hear or read stories of kindness, they, too, are inspired to go out into the world and be kind.

In the show, the host couched spreading kindness as an OBLIGATION.  “Here, I will be kind to you by giving you something, but if you accept my kindness, you must go out into the world and do at least 1 or 2 acts of kindness yourself.”

 

People don’t get inspired to spread more kindness because you tacked on that requirement of them should they choose to accept your kindness. 

 

No.  People receive kindness.  Then, if they so choose, they also spread kindness. 

 

It works.

 

Sometimes it stops with them and there are no ripples.  A person receives an act of kindness, they are thankful, and that is the end of the story.

 

But the vast majority of the time – when people see, hear, or are given kindness – they choose to keep it going because they WANT to.

 

So, if you watched the recent TV show about kindness and were inspired to spread some of your own, DO IT!!  Do it today.  And tomorrow.  Until spreading kindness just becomes part of your life.

 

Happy New Year.  Don’t beat yourself up this year.  Give yourself the same grace you give to others.

 

Proof that I DO believe in some traditions!  Case in point, I believe that eating 12 grapes within one minute, starting at the stroke of midnight of a new year, will bring you good luck!  (Or at least I pretend to believe that so I can have the fun of cramming down 12 grapes in 60 seconds.)  I succeeded in this task, as always.  My sweetheart, however, failed.