Separation of Church and Donuts

Blessed.

Ugh.

I have had issues with that word since before I can remember.

Blessed.

It makes me feel so, I don’t know, cringy.

To me, it signifies that I, as the “blessed”, am in a better position than someone else.  More elevated.  More healthy.  More rich.  More children.  More talented.  Whatever IT is – I have more of IT – because you see, I.  Am.  Blessed.

Because when you think about it, for someone to qualify as “blessed”, someone else has to be lower, beneath them, “unblessed” you could say. 

Because if we were ALL blessed, then we would be equal, and then that sort of defeats the purposed of blessed, right?

I dislike the term so much that once my sister gave me a tacky hot pad from the Dollar Tree that said “blessed”.  Only, because she knew my opinion of the word, she used a black Sharpie to cross that out with a circle and a slash, signifying “unblessed” I guess.  I liked it.  I think it is still in our dishtowel drawer.

So, “Have a blessed day”…  Same feeling for me when I hear it.  It actually makes me put my guard up.  My shoulders get tense.  Yeah, the psycho/emotional damage must be deep here 😊 .

We went to the grand opening of a local restaurant today.  The décor was cute – a complete re-do of what the place used to look like under former ownership.  It was bright and airy and crisp and clean.

Cronut and Donut

We were sitting at a table eating when my partner leaned over and said, “Did you hear that?  The lady behind the counter told a customer to have a blessed day,”. 

And with that my ears perked up.  Sure enough, as the next customer was leaving, the employee very clearly said, “Have a blessed day!”.

So many thoughts ran through my head.  WHY did this bother me?  WHAT does this signify?  WHY are they saying it?  Are they INSTRUCTED to say it? 

A woman came up to our table, introduced herself as the owner, and asked how we liked the new place.  We were cordial and complimented the food and the décor.  I think she must’ve asked if we had any feedback or recommendations, because I don’t think I would’ve been brave enough to broach the subject without somehow being given “permission” to speak freely.

“Well…” I stammered…  “I heard an employee tell someone to ‘Have a Blessed Day’.  Is that something they are taught to say to customers?” I asked.

The owner got a big smile on her face.  She explained that they are Christians, and that they are proud of their beliefs.  That they instruct their staff to say that to customers. That they indeed hope that everyone coming to their restaurant has a blessed day. 

She had to notice the look on my face (I was past the point of trying to hide my emotions by then).  I think she asked if that was a problem for me.  I tried to choose my words carefully, to explain it as clearly as I could (given that I don’t fully understand why I have such a visceral reaction to the concept of “blessed” in the first place).  In the end, what I said boiled down to:  When someone in a place of business tells me that, I feel I am being preached to.  And I came here for donuts, not to be preached to…  (I think, I HOPE, I said it a bit more eloquently than that.)

She listened carefully to my words, then did something that really surprised me.

She put her hand on my shoulder. 

And she said, “Well, just because you do not like the phrase, I still would wish you a blessed day.  I would never not wish you a blessed day.”

Ok that one startled me.  That she would be brave enough (or obtuse enough?) to BLESS ME right after we had a conversation about how that’s not cool with me?

I tried again, with different words.  Just tried explaining that when I am somewhere spending my money, I do not wish to also have a sermon.  I wasn’t witty enough to come up with this then, but what I could have/should have said is that “I believe in a separation of church and donuts”.

She said, “Isn’t it SAD that words have taken on such different meanings now?”.  What I think she meant was, “Isn’t it sad that in our current divisive political climate, WORDS have taken on new significance.  I wish I would have thought to bring up how trump is already talking about the holiday season and how Harris will “take away your Merry Christmas”.  Maybe that example of “words matter” would have resonated with her.

Anyway, she really did listen.  I think she understood.  I think she apologized for making me uncomfortable.  She genuinely thanked me for being open and honest with my feedback.

We stayed quite a while longer – drinking coffee, chatting.  She sat near us, her husband next to her.  She introduced us to her son, the manager.  We made small talk.

And on our way out the door, the employee behind the counter (who had not been privy to our conversation that I know of), gave us a cheery “Have a blessed day!”.

I didn’t hear what happened next, but David swears he heard the owner say, “Have a great day!” as we left.

Now THAT, that is a message I can get behind.  You have a great day, too, ma’am.