Johnny Day 2019

November 17, 2018.  The day my dad died.

It’s been exactly 12 months.  It’s still fresh.  And SO much else has happened in the same year. 

Dad driving our boat, The Shansu, circa 1983. 
This is how I remember him from summers growing up - at the wheel of the boat.

I know that “time heals”.  I know that, at some point, I will feel November 17^th creeping up on the calendar and it won’t bring as much malaise and sadness as I am experiencing now.  I know that some time – years or maybe a decade later – I will be able to take time out of “real life” to celebrate Johnny Day just like I celebrate Mary Day every October 20^th.  But this year it all still feels quite raw and painful. 

I still have flashbacks to this time last year.  I am currently living in a basement bedroom – the same set up I was in when the hospital called in the middle of the night to tell us Dad had coded.  Last night I decided to confront some of the sadness head on – I wanted to deliver dozens of donuts to nurses to thank them for their work, and I chose the hospital where he had been treated (at the same time as my sister) to pass the treats out.  Just parking in the parking lot again, entering the emergency room doors (the main doors were locked), and getting off the elevator on the cardiac floor made the sad memories flash through my mind again. 

I still want to call him and talk – just to hear his voice really.  I want to tell him the news of my life – both happy and sad.  I want to make him laugh with stories of how long it took to replace our front steps, make him proud to hear of how I dealt with an insurance company, and make him smile to see me playing Yahtzee with his wife Evelyn.

Dad and his daughters, just 3 months before he died.

But I can’t do any of those things.  So, I go to his grave, talk, and cry.  And I remember.

And I start a new holiday.  A holiday I wish I didn’t have to celebrate, but am going to start the new tradition anyway.

Mom, Dad, and I with the boat, circa 1971

Welcome to JOHNNY DAY.  It’s a holiday celebrated every November 17^th.  I will celebrate it by doing things my dad loved, things that remind me of him.*  Things like:

·         Going to Keno

·         Fishing – well, really helping OTHER people fish (cuz with 3 daughters in the boat he barely ever got his line in the water…)

·         Leaving a really big tip for a server

·         Buying a Powerball ticket

·         Wearing a sweater (and penny loafers if I ever get a pair)

·         Teaching a teenager how to drive in an empty parking lot

·         Climbing up a ladder onto a roof

·         Helping a stranger change a flat tire

·         Spilling the beans on a secret I was supposed to be keeping (loose lips sink ships…)

·         Singing “Singing in the Rain” while taking a shower

·         Buying several warm winter coats for kids I have never met who don’t have coats for winter

·         Planting tomatoes

·         Going to a car dealership and trading in my vehicle right then and there for a brand new one.  No research.  No comparing.  Just DO IT (and getting a great deal of course)**

·         Using voice to text to compose a message and NOT proofreading it before hitting “send”

·         Drinking a nice glass of red wine (preferably filled very high)

·         Doing a polka

·         Being extra patient

·         Carrying a handkerchief in my pocket instead of a Kleenex

·         And yelling “Tradition” while raising my arm, ala Fiddler on the Roof

Dad with his tomato plants

And here is how YOU can celebrate.  (It would do my heart good if you do.)  If you are lucky enough to have a father who is still alive, you could:

·         Call your dad.  Not a text – pick up the phone and call him.  Really listen to his voice.  Burn it into your memory.  There will be a time when you do not have the luxury of dialing his number anymore.

·         Write your dad a letter and mail it.  Trust me, he will read it.  He might even squirrel it away in his desk or nightstand, leaving it for you to find when you have to clean out his house.  (Trust me, that will make cleaning out the house nicer.  You will smile to remember writing it, and be so happy he thought so much of it that he saved it.)

·         Buy your dad a sweater and give it to him.  Does he NEED a sweater?  Hell no!!  He has drawers and drawers full of them.  But still, surprise him with one.  He will be happy. 

·         Go visit your dad.  Sit across from him and talk.  And before you leave, give him a big hug.  (And during the hug, take a big sniff of him.  Smell him.  Remember that smell – you will miss it later.)

If you are a father or grandpa, here is how you can celebrate:

·         Buy your kid or grandkids something.  Buy them anything.  A doll.  A coat.  A flat of flavored water.  And GIVE IT TO THEM.  Don’t save it for Christmas or their birthday.

And if you, like me, no longer have a father on this earth, please take time on Johnny Day to remember your dad.  Think about what he did to make you laugh.  How he looked at you.  The jokes he told, the things he said.  Visit his grave.  Give him flowers. 

But most importantly, whether your father is alive or not, be THANKFUL for him.

Happy Johnny Day.

 Here is a special treat.  It is a video I made of Dad.  It was for a film I was making of my sister Annette's friends dancing to the song "Brave".  I had already filmed Dad dancing, and this part was supposed to be a cool addition to the film - him shooting off a confetti cannon.  It didn't go as we had planned...  Video at this link:

Attempt at a Confetti Cannon

*Note:  I am not doing EVERYTHING on this list this year.  I will pick and choose a few to do.  Maybe in the years to come I will get through everything on the list (and likely add more to it).

**2^nd note:  But I really cannot imagine I will EVER be decisive enough to waltz into a dealership on Johnny Day and buy a brand new car on the spur of the moment…