One of my friends remarked
to me today, “You love SO hard!”.
That four word sentence encapsulates
it – I love so hard.
And when a person LOVES
hard, they GRIEVE hard. They JOY
hard. They HAPPY hard. And they CRY hard.
I am thankful to feel as
strongly as I feel. But understanding
that is who I am means having to make SPACE for myself. Having to carve out time, sometimes
physically on the calendar, to allow myself to feel.
Today was one of those
days.
My sister Annette should
have turned 59 years old today. But brain
cancer totally ripped her off and stole her from us last December. Today was our first May 15th
without her. My sister Sherry and I had
planned to be together for this milestone but Covid 19 made that impossible. So today, each in our own way, we celebrated
the sister that we love, that we grieve for.
Today we celebrated ANNETTE DAY.
My plan was to fill the
day doing things she loved. Things that
would make me think of her and smile. So
that is exactly what I did.
I started the day by drinking
out of a coffee mug with a photo of the Thompson sissies on it, then putting on
my “Life is Short – Take the Trip, Buy the Shoes, Eat the Cake” t-shirt that all
3 sisters have. I panicked for a minute when
I couldn’t find MY t-shirt, then remembered that I had inherited Annette’s and
put it on. I felt like I was being
wrapped in her arms. I smelled the
shirt, hoping to smell my sister there, but her scent had been washed
away. (Then I found my own shirt, which
fits me better, and changed.) (I also
wore capri jeans that are too tight, which made me laugh remembering trying to
help her squeeze into her capris the last couple of months of her life when
steroids and snacks meant she should have gone up a size or two…) I wore perfume that is similar to her
favorite scent. I used hair mousse of
hers that I inherited (and I even tried to “do my hair” like she would by blow
drying it, but gave up mid-way because let’s face it, I am just not a “done
hair” girl).
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| My sissies cup - that's Annette and Sherry you see |
I painted rocks
today. The last couple years of Annette’s
life she really got into rock painting.
We would paint them, put little notes on them, and hide them. We really liked hiding them at the Cancer Center
when she went for treatments. Hers were
always the best. Mine pale in
comparison, but I tried! David and I walked
around the neighborhood and hid them (9 painted rocks, 1 big painted pinecone,
and 5 painted acorns!). I hope people
find them and post them!
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| Can you see where I hid it?? |
(A note on rocks – I inherited
a super pretty one that she painted. I have
it sitting in my home office where I see it every day. And each time I look at it, I worry that it
does not have a sealing coat on it. but I
have been super afraid to paint the sealer – afraid I would ruin the paint
and she is not here to make a new one. But yesterday I got up enough nerve to seal
it and it turned out great.)
 |
| THIS is the beautiful one SHE made. Compare that to my crap ones above... |
We went to SONIC
today. She loved Sonic drinks. We have not eaten out (even carry out) for 2 ½
months since we have been in quarantine, but tonight we drove half an hour to
the closest Sonic and waited in the drive thru line ANOTHER half an hour to get
our treat for Annette Day.
I put some books in Little
Free Libraries today. She made the BEST
Little Free Library in the world for her daughter. I used to take photos of the Little Libraries
I found and send them to her and we would smile knowing that NONE OF THEM could
compare to the one she made.
And soon, to finish off my
inaugural Annette Day celebration, I will paint my nails (she actually painted
my nails every night one year in high school, and many years later we
were all so proud of her for going to nail school). And I will DRINK A
MARGARITA. Heck, I might even shop a
bit online (she loved, loved, loved to shop).
 |
| It was a SANGRIA for this photo, but a margarita was much more common. |
One thing I thought about today
was 2019. She took to painting
2019 on the bottom of all of her rocks after she was diagnosed. She would write whatever uplifting message
she wanted, then date them 2019. For
some reason it bothered me. Each time I saw
her do it I silently wondered WHY. “Rocks
don’t need a date,” I thought. I don’t
remember ever saying it out loud to her, but she must have sensed my judgement
of it because once she said something. It
was like, “The year is important to me now.
I do not have a lot of time. 2019
is important”.
 |
| A little painting she made - 2019 |
I am sorry to have judged,
sissy. You are right. Each day, each year, each moment is important.
So, on May 15th,
I will REMEMBER HER. Her big smile. Infectious laugh. Fierce loyalty to her friends. Brave acceptance of her cancer. And immense love in her heart.
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| A photo recreation that we both love - made us laugh SO HARD to do, and her hips were never the same after holding that pose. LOVE YOU SISSY! |
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