A Scratch in the Veneer

And then sometimes, the magical veneer gets scratched a little bit…

Look, I KNOW that life isn’t supposed to happen the way it does at our house.   Like, I realize it is some kind of magical fluke that the kind of thing that happened yesterday doesn’t happen all the time.  The fact that our house is located on a super busy corner with tons of car and foot traffic 24 hours a day and that we can keep ANYTHING safe that is visible on our front porch is technically something that should not be possible.  It should all get taken, right?  Even the actual TREE – bright, lovely, lights shining 24 hours a day – how does the TREE itself not get stolen?

And hey, I get it.  There is also a fine line here at the Big Yellow House.  So much is given away here – food, warm clothing, umbrellas in the rain, other items if come ask for something and we happen to have it.  So if, hypothetically, you “take something” from our home without asking, is it stealing??  Or is it “just” taking what would’ve been given to you had you rang the doorbell and asked??

And yes, I am soooo grateful that people don’t often “burst the magical bubble” that seems to be around our home.  Food in the Little Yellow Free Pantry is usually taken in respectful ways (i.e. – people don’t just walk up, grab every single item in the pantry, throw it in a bag (regardless of if it is something they will use or not) and keep walking.  For the most part people respect the physical structure of the Little Yellow Free Pantry (i.e. don’t spray it with spray paint or steal the pretty doorknobs (oh my, am I jinxing myself for saying this in public???).  The pantry structure has been vandalized 2 or 3 times (doors ripped off), but it has been repairable.  And items on display for the Kindness Yard Sale are usually respected, as well.  There is not a lot of shoplifting/theft (some, not a lot), and not much intentional breaking of yard sale items (some, not a lot).

So, I am GRATEFUL.

But when it happens…  When something happens that scratches the magical veneer, it hurts my heart.  I know that sounds like a kindergarten teacher’s way of explaining something sad, but it does!  It hurts my heart.

It happened yesterday.  There was a wrapped gift under the Community Tree of Celebration on our front porch – “To Mateo Love Santa”.  Mateo had written a letter to Santa in the Santa Project, and this elf (me…) neglected to tell his mother that it was ready for pick-up on December 23^rd.  My bad.  His mom messaged me and asked about it and arranged to pick it up yesterday, December 27, at 9:00 am.

Because it was going to be “early” (I know 9 am is not early for most people, but I have no work this week and plan to sleeeeep in, ok??), I put the gift under the tree the night before as I was going to bed.  Note:  I worry about doing things like that sometimes.  I fear that the thing will be stolen.  But we had placed about 200 such gifts under the tree on the porch already this year and all had gone well, so I TRUSTED.

Still, I worried…

When I got up at 7:30 am to use the bathroom, I peeked on the porch.  Whew – now daylight, and gift still there.  Merry Christmas Mateo!!  I went back to bed, then later up and about my day. 

I noticed the gift was gone around 11 am I think, but I figured mom had come to do the pick-up and all was well.  Only, later in the afternoon, around 2:30 pm I think it was, Mateo’s mom came for pick-up…. 

No gift.

My assumption that she had been the one to pick it up was wrong. 

I felt so many emotions.  Sadness.  Anger.  Confusion.  Certainly I had forgotten to put it out – I had intended to put it out but got sidetracked (as I do 5 million times a day).  Or it had gotten moved, perhaps!!  Our neighbor Danyi had been on the porch cleaning up, maybe Danyi had moved it somewhere….

With those thoughts rushing through my head (and other late gift openers happily sitting on the porch steps looking at their letters and presents), I asked Mateo’s mom to wait a minute.  I rushed downstairs and grabbed a wrapped gift that we had readied for a letter writer who did not leave proper contact information so we couldn’t get in touch with them.  We had wrapped a squishmallow for that other child, just in case they came for a gift. 

Whew.  Ok, Mateo may not get what he asked for, but at least Santa brought him something, right??  I handed the gift to his mother and apologized that it was not what he had asked Santa for, but it was something…  She was super sweet and reluctant to even take the gift, kept saying it was ok.  But NO, at that point it felt like the best this elf could do.

But where did the real gift go???  It kept weighing on me.  I posted in a couple local social media groups:  “Did anyone pick up a gift under the tree on our porch today with the name MATEO on it?? It was there, and when Mateo s mom came to get it, it was gone

This makes me sad, not only for Mateo, but for me losing a bit of trust in the community.

Anyone happen to get Mateo s gift today? Has a letter from Santa just for him inside. If you have it, PLEASE bring it back, with the letter, too. You can put it under the tree and leave it. I understand if the wrapping paper is gone. But please return it.”

No leads from the posts.  People commented, but no one had the gift.  People said I should get a video camera (we have a Ring-like doorbell so have video) and one suggested that I should invest in a locked structure like Amazon package pick-up (that suggestion made me sad, please let’s not get to that point with the world).  And several people offered to replace the gift (so very sweet).

We went about our day/night but it kept nagging at me.  It was just a tiny gift (a Goo Jit Zu Spiderman, to be precise, exactly what the child had asked Santa for).  It was not important in the grand scheme of things.

As I kept pondering it, I figured out at least a bit of why my heart wouldn’t let it go:

The disappearance of the gift hurt my feelings.

I put so much trust in the world.  So much trust in society at large.  That trust had been broken, and it made me sad.  It put a crack in the veneer.  It caused me a moment of distrust in the community.  And that made me sad.

We had a time range of when we thought the gift went missing.  So, when the day was done, we sat down to review the video footage from the doorbell.  And sure enough, we could watch the person take it.  We could watch over and over and over…

It was a little boy – maybe 8 to 10 years old.  I have seen him before - I talk to anyone and everyone who walks by.  He has been coming to the advent calendar a lot this season I think.  I think he also wrote a letter to Santa and got a gift.  So yesterday, he came up on the porch and opened an advent calendar door (half of the advent calendar is still outside, the other half inside under repair).  Of course, he found nothing in the calendar, as the countdown was over December 24^th.  (Note:  my guilt kicks in here, too.  Is it my fault that the whole thing happened??  I should have taken the advent calendar away!  Then he might not have come on the porch in the first place.)

Anyway, he didn’t find a treat in the calendar, but he saw the glistening package under the tree out of the corner of his eye…

As we watched the video footage I was sad.  I wanted to say, “Ahhh, yes!  I think you got a package under that tree, too, child!!  You got yours already!  This one is for someone else.”

He walked over.  Bent down.  Picked it up.  Tried to read the nametag out loud (probably my messy handwriting).  Read it – “To (not sure if he figured out how to pronounce Mateo” from Santa”. 

Put the gift down.

Looked at his buddy waiting for him on the sidewalk.

Picked the gift back up. 

His buddy said something to him, we can’t hear it on the video.  More examining of package.

Then the fateful words from the sidewalk, “Just TAKE IT!”.

“But I’m scared,” the younger child said out loud.

Then he succumbed to peer pressure, grabbed the gift, and they walked off.

Sigh.

I was a mix of relieved to see it was a child and not a mean adult who took it, and very, very sad to see it happen in “real time”.

It is NOT THE GIFT.  It’s not the gift that is the issue. It is the breach of trust. 

Back to social media, I posted this:  “We have now watched the video clip and know who took another child's gift from under the tree this morning. I am not sharing the clip here - don't want to shame the child.

If your son, around 8 - 10 years old, wears glasses and walks by our home and came home today with a cool new Goo Jit Zu Spiderman, please sit down and talk with him. He knew the package was not for him. He read the label out loud, and when a companion told him to "Just take it", said he was scared. Then he fell to pressure (the other kid looks a bit older) and took it.

It is not so much the missing gift that is concerning. It is the taking of it. The toy can be replaced, obviously. But if you see your child with this new toy, please talk with them. They can return it to our front porch - place it in the tan and green plastic bin marked for pantry donations. Not so much to get the toy BACK, but to clear their conscience and to learn the lesson to not take what is not theirs.

To all of those who offered to replace the toy, thank you. Your kindness inspires. The child who asked for the Spiderman will get a new one (I've already ordered), but please know that your offers mean a lot.”

I hesitated posting it actually.  I knew it would get some backlash. “Just buy another damn toy” or something like that.  Anytime you make something like this public on social media there are naysayers.  So far there have only been 2 – both saying I have “shamed” the child and that he will now be harassed by other children “endlessly” (a point I do not get – I haven’t named the child (I do not know his name) nor shared his photo…).

I hope I get a chance to talk to both kids.  I will see them walking by again I am sure.  I want to explain to the kid who said he was scared that it is ok to follow your gut.  He was right when he initially thought he shouldn’t take what was not his.  His “friend” (perhaps sibling?) was wrong to encourage him.  I want him to be able to come clean and not feel guilty (I may be projecting guilt??  Maybe he doesn’t feel it?  I can’t know until I talk to him).

For now, I have my guard up a bit.  I am less trusting today than I was yesterday.

Trust will grow back.  More magic will happen.  But first, a bit of a rest.