This is the story of a couch.
A couch that came in 3
boxes.
We popped into Ikea in
Jacksonville, Florida to pick up some NAPKINS.
Napkins.
We left with a couch. A couch in 3 boxes.
But, only 1 box would fit
in our Prius. Try as we might to squeeze
the other 2, or even 1 more, in, only 1 would fit.
The family next to us took
pity. They had planned ahead. They did NOT go to Ikea for napkins and come
out with a couch (in 3 boxes). They came
to Ikea with a list, and stuck to it. And
before beginning their shopping, they rented a flat bed to haul their boxes
home.
Unlike us.
But they smiled at
us. Giggled at our attempts to mash oversize
boxes in an undersize car.
And in the end, for $25
they hauled 2 of our boxes to their home, which was a wee bit closer to ours,
and held them until we could go home. And
drop off box #1. Then head back…
We had driven 90 minutes to get
to Ikea. And now 90 minutes home,
with box #1.
Then 75 minutes back to
the kind strangers, who met us at Starbucks with box #2 just as it started to rain.
75 minutes back
home. Then back in the car (this time
only David, I had tired of the driving and the boxes and the excitement had
long worn off…). 75 minutes to the
kind strangers, then 75 minutes back home with box #3, the final box.
They sat in the garage,
those 3 boxes, for a month as life rolled on.
Work, beach, travel, shows, and just life in general. The boxes awaited, covered with a fine
coating of soot from the new roof put on right overhead.
Until finally we said –
let’s do it! Let’s bring those 3 boxes
in and make us a COUCH!
So, in they came – those 3
big boxes. They paused in the dining
room, taking up much of the space.
Because, how could we put
the new couch together when the OLD couch still remained? Yes, we must get rid of the old before
bringing in the new.
The couch was listed for
sale.
We waited.
No interest.
We lowered the price.
A bite! That never replied…
We waited.
And waited.
And meanwhile, the 3 boxes
were walked around, squished around, taking up the dining room space.
We lowered the price.
A bite!
That once again, dissolved
into thin air.
It was garbage night. We had walked around those boxes and bruised
our shins long enough – OUT WITH THE OLD.
But it was heavy, that old
couch. For it contained a pull-out
bed.
And it was LARGE, that old
couch. Almost too wide to fit through
the front door.
But we pushed. And we shoved. And we sweated. And we grumbled. Until that old couch popped right through the
door and into the sun.
But how to move it to the
curb? It no longer slid. We were tired. We were hot.
We inched it. And flipped it.
And just as we stood in
the middle of the driveway with the couch on its’ end, stretching over our
heads, we had an idea:
A DOLLY. If only we had a dolly, we said.
David kept the couch up while
I searched the block. A dolly to borrow,
please, someone nearby?
But no one was home (at
least they didn’t answer).
But just as I turned to
sulk back in defeat, the neighbor saw our despair. He smiled to see us in the awkward situation
and offered his help – AND A DOLLY!
So just like that it was
OUT WITH THE OLD. I taped up 2 signs – NEEDS
A NEW HOME and FOLDS OUT TO BED. We just
KNEW by nightfall it would find a good home.
But when we returned, the
couch was still there.
Sitting in the dark. Our old, sad, couch.
And in the morning, STILL
THERE…
But wait – a mystery… Someone had TIPPED THE COUCH onto it’s
back!! What? Why????
A quick trip to the end of
the driveway by my sweetheart in his jammies.
Return to the house. “Uh, Sue, you need to see something…”.
Two pajamaed people tip
toe to the upturned couch.
WHAT? Someone went to the trouble of CUTTING OUT
THE METAL bed part?? Yup. It’s Florida – even in a nice neighborhood,
scrappers are huntin’ on garbage night.
What was left was the
sofa, the uncomfortable mattress, but no GUTS.
No one was going to give this thing a new home.
But wait! The garbage men to save the day!!! They called for a special pick-up and the next
morning it was gone.
Which leads us to –
The 3 boxes.
The living room floor was
cleaned. The boxes were moved.
And the humans were
tired. The boxes could stay closed
another day, no?
Yes.
FINALLY, after 41 days,
the COUCH WOULD BE COMPLETE.
Box 1 – open.
Box 2 – open.
Box 3 - … … …
Wait.
What? &^%**$
The piece of metal on the
pull-out bed part is BENT??
Bit of playing with it –
no, cannot bend it back.
Phone calls to Ikea – of course
no human (Swedish or otherwise) answers.
Panicked hunt for receipt
(never found).
And reboxing all items in
box 3.
Shove box and humans into
car, and start the 90 minute drive back to Ikea.
Unload. Returns area.
Take a number. Emptiest Ikea I
have ever seen. Immediately got called
up. Found receipt in system.
Confirm – yes it’s bent.
Check system to find
identical item to exchange. And check. And check.
I can tell by the look on
her face – there is no item to replace…
But she doesn’t want to say it. Yet. Check.
Check.
Admit.
Discontinued. None in stock.
DAMN.
What to do???
Other workers called. Yes, it’s bent. Maybe a hammer??
(A hammer???)
Let’s try pliers.
Still bent.
How about another color??? We could take a piece off another one?
No.
Sigh.
Ok – the hammer. But I can’t look. I will run through Ikea while you do the pounding.
Meanwhile – 2 more broken
parts are discovered…
And I blindly shop.
Cool new extension cord! Orange!
We don’t need it – let’s get it!!
Back to returns. Still trying.
Called Orlando – out of stock.
Out of options.
I talk my way into getting
$40 back (Hey, it is busted!) and we re-pack the car with the same box #3 that
we came with.
And drive the 90 minutes back
home.
We lay out the bobs and
the bits.
We work methodically (with
wine) and connect A with B with C with D.
Break for dinner.
Back to work. And wine.
And work.
And voila.
We have a new couch. A couch from 3 boxes. It’s a bit wonky on the bottom, but it’s a
couch.
A couch in 3 boxes.
And now, for your viewing pleasure, here is the story in a quick VIDEO.
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