Sometimes when I get into
a funk, things repeat over and over in my head.
Usually negative things.
But I am not the only one,
right? I mean, that’s happens to you,
too, doesn’t it? Oh man, please tell me
it’s not just me…
Anyway, I probably should
have talked through this with a therapist years ago. Doing so might have gotten this god awful
(pun intended) ear worm out of my head.
Here’s a little ditty I was
taught in Sunday school or summer Daily Vacation Bible School when I was a kid:
“Jesus
and others and you,
What
a wonder way to spell J O Y
Jesus
and others and you,
What
fun for a girl and a boy** (can that line have been that ridiculous? I know it rhymed with joy…)
J
is for Jesus ‘cuz he has first place
O
is for others you meet face to face
Y
is for YOU in whatever you do –
Put
yourself THIRD and spell joy.”
What. The. Actual. F.
Seriously, it has taken me
53 years to wash that B.S. out of my psyche.
Look at those lyrics. Everyone else – your deity, and Every. Single.
Other. Person. On. The. Planet.
Is above YOU. You, my little
Sunday School going friend, are last.
Last to deserve happiness.
Last to deserve peace.
Last to be taken care of.
Last. Last. Last.
What IS that???? WHY is that?
 |
| My 7th birthday. I am sure by this age I was already singing about me being last at the top of my lungs in Sunday School. |
Maybe it was just a jaunty
little tune. But I think it was/is
something deeper – it is a philosophy that I have finally learned to disagree
with:
It is a lesson that says
YOU are not worthy. You are not
special. You don’t deserve time,
attention, respect. Everyone else
deserves it, but not YOU.
I think I believed that
for many years of my life. I took care
of everyone else. Listened to everyone
else. Put my needs, wants, desires on
the back burner, because they (and inherently I…) weren’t valuable enough to be
taken care of.
And I am not the only one
that has been brainwashed by that philosophy.
It is why so many people stay in toxic relationships. Why friendships continue years after their
value has disintegrated. Why we stay in
jobs we hate. Why we don’t take the
vacation we want. Why we feel we can’t move
to the city that would make us happy. And
why we hide our identities from family/friends.
Because we are THIRD. Everyone else deserves the moon, but we, we
back here in 3rd place, well we just get whatever is left over.
It took me a few decades,
but I finally have figured out that this is complete and utter bollocks.
I now know that putting
myself FIRST – not second and MOST DEFINITELY not third – is healthy. It is not conceited. It is not self-centered. It is not embarrassing.
It is healthy. It makes me a happier, more grounded person
(which in turn can help me focus on the number twos – those “others I meet face
to face” – even better!).
So yeah. That song is wrong. If anyone is going to sing it, it should be “Y
O W”.
You
Others
Whoever/Whatever you look
up to
So, in other words, PUT
YOURSELF FIRST AND SPELL YOW!
Thanks for hearing me
out. I am hoping that by taking time to
think all of this through and write it here (writing is my therapy), I will
have erased the earworm and saved myself thousands in therapist bills.
And if YOU had to sing
this song and have it stuck somewhere in your psyche, too, I am sorry. ERASE IT.
It’s a freakin’ lie. Put yourself
FIRST. You will be happier and healthier
for it.
** Sadly, this song must
still be taught to brainwash kids, cuz when I Googled it I found the lyrics
and a cheesy comic drawing… Apparently
the line I wasn’t sure about is actually “In the life of each girl and each boy”.
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