The thing about losing someone you love is, well, gosh there are so many things…
One is – if it happened yesterday, or if it happened 15 years ago, it still feels like it was too soon.
If it was sudden, or slow and expected, it still feels unfair.
And if it was a parent, it is heart wrenching.
Yes – the traditional “plan” is that the child outlives the parent. That’s sort of the unwritten expectation. And yes, reversing that order would likely be much more jarring and awful. Even so, when it happens, especially if it is your last parent and you are left (an adult) “orphan”, you feel it with every ounce of your being.
Which brings me to – today is Johnny Day. It is the 2nd anniversary of the death of my dad, John C. Thompson. Those who were luckily enough to know him know that he was funny (laughed at his own jokes, sometimes so hard that it was difficult for him to get through the joke), liked to trick people (his poor friend Ed, how many times did he fall for that $10 bill trick…), was the epitome of patience (taught all 3 daughters to drive, then years later took care of his wife with dementia), and he was loving. He was a generous, devoted father and liked when we would ask for his advice. And he was an easy crier. Every time I left the Omaha airport to fly home to DC (and that was often), he cried. And I cried.
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| Dad with a huge halibut he caught in Alaska. Sure, Dad was short, but that is still a huge fish! |
So, it is fitting that today, on his day, I cried. I cried in the car. Cried in the store. Cried on the street. Heck, I warmed up by crying last night.
Dad died in the middle of my sister Annette dying of GBM (glioblastoma, brain cancer). I guess he checked out in a manner similar to his own mother, my grandma. When Grandma Thompson died, Grandma Lee was very sick with cancer. We were all so focused on Grandma Lee that Grandma Thompson’s death seemed to come out of left field. As it was with Dad. Everyone, including Dad, was so focused on Annette that we didn’t contemplate another family member would go before her.
Dad had a massive heart attack in the middle of the night. Luckily, David and I were staying at his house and he sent his wife down to get us. We called 911, they rushed him to the hospital, and a few days later he had open heart surgery. All went well. The doctors said he was doing really good. He had survived “the widow maker” (the horrible name for the kind of heart attack he had, and he said it over and over as if he were proud…).
But the middle of the night phone call from the hospital proved the doctors were mistaken. He didn’t make it. We got to say goodbye and hug him, but we all knew it was only the machines keeping him alive at that point.
He died shortly before Thanksgiving, and just 12 days before his birthday. He left behind a dying daughter, a very confused widow, and a family in severe grief and pain.
So today, on the 2nd anniversary of his death, I wanted to celebrate by remembering him when he was not in the hospital bed. Remembering his laugh. His warmth. His tears. And his love. My sister Sherry and I giggled while texting last night thinking of all of the things we COULD do to honor him today. Going boating or fishing was out of the question – it is 43 degrees here (plus we do not own a boat). Repairing a roof seemed like a no-go… So here are the things I settled on:
1. Buy a
Powerball ticket. I actually bought 2 –
one for me and one for David. Dad loved
playing the lottery. I will let you know
if we become millionaires! (Actually if
that happened I probably would not have to let you know because wherever you
are you would hear me screaming.)
2.
I went to BJ’s (a big box store like Sam’s and
Costco) with the plan to buy an eternity’s worth of something. Dad and his wife Evelyn always shopped at the
big box store, even though it was just the 2 of them in the house. And they.
Bought. Tons. Of. Stuff. When we had to clean out the house after he
died, I swear there was probably 40 bottles of cleaning products all
unopened. And they bought tons of FOOD,
even though they never ever ate at the house!
It was funny. So as of today, I now
own a life-time supply of: Windex, Spray
and Wash, and Scotch tape. Dad would
love it.
3.
I wanted to leave someone a big tip. Dad was a very generous tipper. All of the servers loved him! But, because of Covid, I am not eating
out. So, I popped into my favorite local
coffee shop and gave the barista a $40 tip for my $5.50 drink. It felt good to be able to share that love.
4.
I wanted to play Keno (David’s favorite betting
game) but I don’t even know if we HAVE Keno where I live, plus, COVID… BUT, when I went to buy my Powerball ticket I
learned that Virginia has online KENO!!!
I had no idea! So I picked some
numbers and need to check the website to see if I have won. 😊
5.
I wanted to buy myself a sweater, because Dad
had approximately 5,602 sweaters. We always
joked about it. If you ever didn’t know
what to get him for Christmas, Father’s Day, or his birthday, a sweater was the
fall back present! I didn’t find the
perfect sweater but I got myself a really soft shirt instead.
6.
I needed to do an act of kindness for someone
because Dad was super kind. I decided to
pre-pay for a family’s Thanksgiving meal at the grocery store. I will write more about that later (I used
funds from the Kindness Yard Sale), but it felt really good to know that the
next family to come to the store to order their Thanksgiving spread would get
it “on the house”.
7. I worked a bit, because Dad worked a LOT. He owned a roofing company and he continued to work long after he could have retired.
8.
I bought a fancy bottle of wine to drink with
dinner tonight. Well, fancy for us… Dad probably spent as much on a glass as I spent
on the bottle.
9.
And finally, I am re-joining the Cheese Club. Dad loved good cheese and so do I. I signed him up for the Cheese Club a few years
ago and he really liked it. They would
email me before each shipment, which made a great excuse for me to call
him. “Dad! Cheese is being delivered on Wednesday! Be sure to call and tell me what you get!”. I miss that man. I wish I could call him tonight. But I will think of him when my cheese club
cheese arrives.
Here comes the “ask” of my story. If your dad is alive, please spoil him. Write him a letter. Give him a call. Teach him how to use Zoom so you can see each other. And if there is not a danger of spreading Covid 19 to him, please give him a big fat hug. Because you are lucky to have him. He is lucky to have you. So celebrate him.
Thanks.
And Happy Johnny Day.
Now if you will excuse me, I have some cheese to order and some Keno numbers to check...
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| Christmas on Sanibel Island, Florida, 2002 Susan, Sherry, Dad, and Annette |
P.S. - I almost forgot! I also wore my THOMPSON ROOFING hoodie and used my "2018 Can Kiss My Ass" brand lotion. Of course, I have long since used up the actual lotion but you can bet your sweet bippy I kept and refilled that bottle!
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